Dear Sollux P Captor
by Yumtastica
Summary: Karkat is a sleazy college student with a very cliche crush on his best friend Sollux. Find out what he does to get him to love him, and how it all goes form hell: to total shit storm. Smut/swearing/mature content warning.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey y'all! I pooped out this fanfiction out of boredom, and I just wanted to write about my special OTP. I don't actually ship anyone as much as SolKat.. (maybe a little DaveJohn3)**

**Enjoy! (I hope!)**

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Karkat S. Vantas was the average (and very cliche) college student. He went to classes, did his homework (with the occasional: "my dog ate it" involved), and was lusting after hot, skimpy, young girls.

Of course, he wasn't all straight. He liked boys, but only the ones with dichromatic eyes. Yes, two-toned, heterochromatic, or however you'd like to call him. In short: he liked- no, loved his best friend (cliche alert) Sollux P. Captor.

He never, _ever_ had the courage to tell. Mostly because Sollux had a girlfriend. Her name was Aradia H. Megido. She was strange, always going on about death, ghosts, and other weird things that had to do with that. Karkat had even given her a nickname: Deadly-tits. Karkat didn't like her, nor did he like it when Sollux rambled on, and on, and on about the bitch.

And right now, he was lying- naked- in someone's bed. Who? It escaped him. He was experiencing the worst migraine that he thought was possible, and his neck hurt. Had he fallen asleep.. on someone? He shook his head: of course not, if he had- _oh wait he did._

Last night, happened to be the night of a huge party, some girl named Vriska M. Serket was hosting. Everyone had gone, even Deadly-tits. And she never went anywhere, all he knew was that she stayed in her dorm and played with dead animals- or that's what everyone else was saying (that, or she was shoving her tongue down Sollux's throat (much to his chagrin))

"Morning Karkitty!" Oh no. Oh fuck. Oh shit. Gog damnit. Why _her_? Karkat turned painfully to look at the girl laying next to him. His worst fear had come to life: he'd slept with Nepeta D. Leijon. The crazy kitty-bitch that would not cease crawling on all fours and insisting she loved him. He blew her off for another chick every time: he'd rather sleep with Eridan D. Ampora than her (and no one wants to sleep with him, trust me).

"Oh, hey Nepeta.." He drawled, his voice still lightly slurred from last nights' drinking. _Shit_, he thought, _I shouldn't have drunken like that_. He shook away the thoughts, and began to massage his temples. This barely did anything for his raging migraine, but he needed something to ease the pain. "Would you like some painkillers, Karkitty?" She giggled. He nodded, dreading the time where he'd have to leave and deal with his (very) bi-polar roomie. And that roomie happened to be his lover-_ CRUSH_, Sollux.

As if on cue, his phone beeped. The usual 'crabcrabcrab' text-tone violated his ears, and he grunted, and reached over to grab it.

_KK you better bee fuckiing 2ober right now._

_CHILL. I'M AT NEPETA'S HOUSE. WE'RE JUST CHILLING._

_ew you 2lept wiith her?_

_NO. NONONONONO. THAT WOULD BE REVOLTING. I DID NOT SLEEP WITH FUCKING NEPETA LEIJON, OKAY? DEAL WITH IT YOU JEALOUS LITTLE GIRL._

_ii am not jealou2, ii just thought iit was kiinda gro22. 2iince 2he doe2 2TALK you, KK._

_NO. I DID NOT SLEEP WITH- _he erased that message.

_OK I SLEPT WITH HER._

_ii knew iit._

_FUCK YOU. I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME._

Karkat crawled out of bed, retrieving and stuffing himself in his clothing. He then made it out of the room where Nepeta was holding two cups of coffee. "Thanks," he muttered. He took one of them and swalloed the first few gulps- no, chugs, and he_ chugged_ it down like no tomorrow. Nepeta could do nothing but stare in amazement: woah.

Karkat took some painkillers off her green counter and chugged them down along with his coffee. He grunted, and placed the now empty cup down on the counter. "So! Wanna hang out later?" She chirped. Loud enough that Karkat grunted, and massaged his temples again. He did not want to hang out with her. As much as he liked it when he was yelling "cat-woman", and she was clawing at his back: he did not want to hang out with her.

"Eh, I have work.. and school.." He grumbled. She smiled. "Alright! Call you later then?" He nodded, and hurriedly walked towards the door. Once arrived, he slipped his shoes, jacket and double-toned hat. He remembered getting that hat: Sollux had given to him last Christmas, and he'd been wearing it ever since. It was light grey, with a candy red lining, and a crab in the same color. He loved it, and not just because Sollux had given it to him, but because he'd actually thought, and got what Karkat loved most. And that just so happened to be: crabs.

Karkat hurried down the appartment stairs, and out the door. He needed to call Sollux, and he needed to do it now.

So he did.

_"Hello? Who ith thith, I'm kinda buthy here."_

"Sollux, what the ever loving fuck are you doing?"

_"Uh, jutht, you know: MAKING OUT WITH MY GIRLFRIEND."_

Karkat felt a pang of fiery jealousy, and growled into the phone. "Fine. Fuck you, I'm going home." Karkat hung up before the lispy one could answer, and he continiued his merry way down the street. Karkat hated the way he abhorred yet loved him. He was his best friend, and his lover in his mind (in more than one way). He loved him, and he was content on getting his rom-com-romantic-way in the end.

He wanted him, he really did. Ever since he first saw him in Middle School, and had practically druled over the adorable-lispy-ness that was Sollux. Oh, how he loved him.

"Fuck, I hate you." He snarled to himself. He pulledo ut his keys as he reached his doorstep, shoving them into the keyhole lazily. His migraine had gotten worse and was pulsating violently in his head. And the buzzing in his pocket- oh wait, oh shit.

"What do you want now, asshole?" Karkat growled.

_"What is up with you? You know what- I'm coming home."_

Too late to stop him, he'd already hung up. Karkat groaned rather loudly, walked into the door. Dirty clothing and empty (or half empty) boxes of chinese food littered the floor. Wow, he really needed to clean. That or he'd make Sollux do it. Probably make Sollux.

Karkat made his way to the couch after kicking his things off. He plopped down and lay there, lazily thinking about things he needed to do. Of course, he'd never do them, but he had the decency to at least think of them. "Karkat." Is what brought him out of his thoughts. He sluggishly turned his head towards Sollux, who was kicking his shoes off.

"You didn't have to come." The short one huffed. He crossed his arms, and glared cooly at the slender teen before him. "But I did: so you're fucking welcome." Sollux growled back. He sat down next to Karkat and tretched, reaching for the remote and turning their T.V on.

"Fuck you." Karkat huffed, he slumped into the couch, and watched whatever crap show Sollux had put on. He'd much rather a cheesy romcom than this crap. "I'm going to take a nap." He said.

And with that, he was off up the stairs, down the hall anf into his bedroom. He squinted as the dark surrounded him, and turned on the light. He had to change. Anything would do better than this, skinny jeans and a tight-ish black shirt: as he'd thought earlier.. anything would do better than the crap he was wearing, especially after it being touched by that weird kitty-bitch.

..

He was now in a pair of black sweat pants, a baggy shirt he'd stolen from Sollux, for all his shirts were either dirty or laying around in some unknown place. I'll call it shirt-land, he thought. Ridiculous.

He shook his head, and slipped into the soft red sheets of his light grey bed. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he was out cold, and glad. Glad to be finally able to sleep. He'd probably sleep like this the whole day: but who the fuck cared?

Oh that's right: _no one_.

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**Hope you enjoyed this really short chapter. I love you all! 3**


	2. Chapter 2

**WELL, LOOK AT ME. POSTING ANOTHER SHIT CHAPTER FOR YOU WEIRDOS.**

**Lol, I'm kidding I love you.**

**(My hearts ;u; _3)**

**Just a side note: I need more ships. Just, more ships. So if you would leave suggestions in reviews, I would be most pleased!**

Karkat awoke in cold sweat. His body was drenched in the salty liquid as he stumbled out of bed. He vaguely remembered having the worst nightmare of his life. Ugh, he hated nights like these.

"Fuu-uuuckk.." He drawled, half lidded eyes struggling to get used to the hallway light as he stepped out of his room. The boy made his way down the hallway, only to find- he wanted to retch. To vomit. To empty himself with disgust. There they lay, half-nude bodies intertwined with each other, lay Sollux and Aradia. Their lips were tied with a passionate kiss, and Karkat felt a huge pang of burning jealousy surge through him brutally. "Get out." He snarled between gnashed teeth. "Oh! Sorry.." Aradia stammered. He looked away as she got dressed and scurried out of the appartment like the rat she was.

"The _fuck_?" Sollux growled. His voice dripped with intense anger, and irritation, but Karkat didn't care. He should be the angry one, he was the one that had walked in on them, during sexual activities, and he was more angry at him than he should have been.

Before he knew it, he was agains the wall, a sweltering pair of lips close to his ears. "Fucking do that again I'll make sure you won't-" Karkat shoved him before he could whisper the last of his empty threat. "Fuck you! Why don't you go to her house! I hate seeing you two together! It's fucking horrible for me!" He yelled.

God, it was too early for this. "Horrible?! Like you haven't slept with anyone here!" Sollux hollered back. "Why would you care?! Why?" Karkat whispered the last worfd, and slunk onto his knees.

Sollux rolled his eyes, and stomped down the hall into his room. Karkat suddenly felt bad for doing that, and sulked all the way to his room. Head hung low, and arms hanging lazily at his sides. He shut his door softly behind him, and slid into his cozy bed, snuggling into the blankets, and falling asleep grudgingly. Damn, he sucked.

..

The next morning was spent in silence. They each fixed themselves a breakfast, and returned to their rooms. Karkat watched a romcon, whilst Sollux watched a (strange) documentary about bees.

"_**No! Don't let go Jack!" **_

Karkat sobbed into his blanket, gog these things made him so emotional. "Jack nooo!" He cried to the screen, face contorted into slight anger and melancholy. "Nooo!" He flipped onto his stomach and stobbed into the pillow. Weirdo.

Just then, Karkat felt his phone vibrate against him.

_Greetings, Karkat. I Was Wondering If You Might Want To Go For Lunch? I'm Rather Bored, And I'd Love The Company!_

_YEAH SURE. I'LL MEET YOU BY THE 'CRAB CAFE'._

_Bye!_

_WHATEVER._

Karkat turned the movie off and wiped his meaningless tears from his face. The boy stretched, and pulled his clothing off, sitting on his bed, in only his candy red boxers.

Karkat collected his clothing with a sigh, and shuffled them on sluggishly.

..

As the cranky boy arrived at the cafe, he couldn't help but marvel at Kanaya (who was waiting at the door), she looked so pretty. She was clad in a short red skirt, a black tank-top, jade tights and belt, and some coral flip-flops. She looked flawless.

"Hey! Karkat." She waved, and smiled elegantly while Karkat got out of his army green Jeep. "Hey." He grunted, and gave her an awkward hug. "Why don't we go inside?" She asked sweetly. Karkat complied and they entered the cafe, soon finding a suitable booth to sit in, and they sat. "So, how are you Karkat?" Kanaya smiled widely, and Karkat couldn't help it, he commented: "You look really nice today." His cheeks burned at his own comment and he mentally slapped himself for it.

"Oh! Karkat, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend!" She giggled, as if completely ignoring his comment. She probably didn't hear it, he though. "S'up, motherfucker."

Karkat had to crane his head upwards to meet the strange dopey-boys' eyes. They were a strange purple and- woah, was that clown makeup? He shuddered slightly. Also, he was wearing sweat pants.

How could Kanaya date this guy? Gog.

"...wow." Was all Karkat said, and he merely stared up at the clown boy with a frown. Just then, his phone rang. _ God, fucking damnit- _he picked up before it could go any further.

"Excuse me, fuck.." He growled and moved away from the couple.

"_Hey athhole, wanna go for dinner?" _

"Like.. a date?"

"_No you retart. With my friend Terezi, and Aradia."_

Karkat sighed greatly. "Fine." He snarled before hanging up, and sauntering back over to the couple. "Sorry." He mumbled.

**Have I told you about my amazing endings? Like, amazing.**

**A-fuckin'-mazin'.**


	3. Chapter 3

**HELLUR DER. **

**Lol, here: have a small taste of the big chapter where something actually happens. (I hope I don't lose followers for that chapter..)**

**But yeah, excuse it being short: as I'd said, this is just a small intro for what's coming so be patient.**

**Love you, babes.**

**;)**

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"Karkat! We've got thomeone coming over tho get the fuck up you lazy thod!"

Karkat opened his eyes, and regretted it immediatly. The bright white light of his room attacked his eyes and he closed them again, grumbling incoherent words before turning onto his stomach. "Just tell her I'm sick I don't wanna deal with this shit today!" He yelled back. His voice sounded lazy and tired but he didn't care. "No! You'll get the fuck out here or I'm coming in there and kicking your ath!"

Karkat snarled, and sat up, slowly opening his eyes in order to let them adjust to the light. "Fine!" He yelled back. Truthfully, he was only attending because Sollux wanted him to. Cheesy as it sounds, it was true.

He spent about fifteen minutes trying to find something suitable to wear. He hadn't even remembered the dinner he was supposed to attend to. He settled on a crisp white dress shirt (which he'd stolen from Sollux), black pants, a black tie adorned with bright red crabs and a black vest. He looked truly.. childish and weird, but he liked it. And he hoped Sollux did too.

Karkat slipped out of his room, shutting the light in the process and sauntering down the dimly-lit hallway. "Dude, have you theen my comb? And hey, you're wearing my shirt." Solluc turned to face Karkat, and leaned against their ebony counter. "No, I haven't. And fuck you I do what I want." Karkat retorted with a grunt.

He really didn't see the point in dressing up just to go to dinner with some bitch. _Some deadly bitch_, he thought to himself with a smirk.

"Fine, be that way. Fuck you too, KK. Oh! And be nithe, do not embarrath me tonight. Not like you did latht time." Oh, he remembered last time they'd tried to have a dinner like this. Aradia had been going on about some dead poet, and how he died, and Karkat flipped his shit (and the table), and full-out yelled at her in the middle of the restaurant, not only embarassing himself: but Aradia and Sollux too. He even called her a bitch. Afterwards Sollux made him apologize, but it was worth it.

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**LOL, PFFTWUT.**

**Ok, ok. Yes, I sucked with this chapter, and I hope you can forgive me.**

**;-;**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey :3**

**Hey you :3**

**Hey reader :3**

**I'm giving you a chapter, so don't kill me- and don't kill me after you've read it because things happen. **

**Shit gets real, bros.**

**Shit. Gets. **_**REAL.**_

**(Oh, and I feel weird for asking this, but what ship is 'pepsicola' ?)**

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As they arrived at the restaurant, Karkat couldn't help but stare in awe at the amazing decor. "Shit, dude." He inhaled and exhaled slowly. "Heh," was all Sollux said before joining his oh-so-precious girlfriend at the door. He didn't get why he loved her that much anyways. She was creepy and obnoxious, and obviously needed some professional help. Gog.

"Aradia!" He heard a voice chirp. Karkat turned to see a rather attractive girl smiling at the couple. She had short hair that spiked up all over, and for a moment it almost looked like a blue-ish color. She wore a short, black dress equipped with blue and teal highlights and designs, and the same color makeup, save red lips. He had to admit: the color suited her very well.

It seemed as if they'd planned this beforehand, because before he knew it, they were all seated down at a table.

The spiky girl sat next to him, while Deadly-tits and Sollux sat on the other side of him. They ordered meals with intricate names, and waited. "So! You must be Karkat, am I right?" The girl said. Her voice was raspy, and somewhat high-pitched. Not at all unpleaseant. "Yea," he paused, only to collect himself, "and you are?" He huffed. The girl smiled widely, it almost looked flirtatious but he doubted it. "Terezi, Terezi Pyrope!"

Within the next 20 minutes, they received their meals, and began to eat. Terezi and Karkat spoke, while Deadly-tits and Sollux giggled and did over couple-y-lovey-dovey things. Suddenly, a voice: "Heeeeeee-hic-eeeeyyyy~" Karkat turned to see a very drunk Vriska. She'd hosted the party where he'd slept with Nepeta, and was now standing before them: drunk as fuck.

Karkat looked over at Sollux, and marveled for a moment, before looking back at the Scorpio. "Vriska, go home: you're drunk." The bee rolled his eyes, and turned back to his girlfriend, placing a small peck on her cheek, while Karkat wallowed in jealousy.

"Heyyyyy Karrkkatt~" Vriska, being the drunken fool she was, turned his head around enough so that he was facing her. "Can I-hic-I teelll yooouu.. a.. a.." She frowned, "A what?"

"A seecrett..?" she slurred. Gog her breath was foul. "Wha-" before he could finish his sentence, she kissed him. The crab grew angry and practically exploded right there. He shoved the girl off by her shoulders, stood, and stormed off towards the bathroom (the men's of course ;D)

Of course, Vriska followed idiotically, claiming he was playing hard to get and she'd get into his pants no matter what. As if that'd work.

"Fuck off Vriska!" He snarled as he turned around, facing the giggling girl with a glare. "But Karkaatt.." She leaned in to kiss him again, but he shoved her by the shoulders a second time, this time heading off to the back of the restaurant.

As he opened the door, Vriska tapped his shoulder, and he growled again. "VRISKA!" He bellowed, this time attracting several glances. "I don't like you! Nor do I want to kiss you! So BACK OFF." He shoved her one last time, before shoving the door shut, and stepping out into the cool night air. "Fina-fuckin-lly." He whispered, to no one in particular.

..

Karkat took a long drag of his cigarette, enjoying the feeling of the air caressing his hair and face. "Karka-" Karkat snarled, and shoved whoever was calling his name, thinking it was Vriska.

Boy, was he wrong. "Oh god." His eyes widened at the sight: Aradia lay on the ground, and blood leaked out of her mouth and from a wound on her head. _Shit, what if she's dead? _He thought.

Fuckfuckfuckfuck. Nonononononoono. He was panicking now, checking her pulse: nothing. She was dead, and he'd killed her.

She'd hit her head when Karkat pushed her, and fell. "FUCK!" Karkat hyperventilated. Oh god, oh god, he could see her.. her brain.

This couldn't be happening. She was.. dead (the irony). Fuck, he had to hide this up, he couldn't show Sollux, and he couldn't reveal himself. He had to hide her body, but where? He knew, he knew exactly where.

..

Karkat pulled his phone out, and dialed the number he knew the best.

"Sollux?"

_"Hey, KK. Where'th AA? She went to get you, and she never came back."_

Fuck, now he felt terrible. "She went home, saying she.. she had her period."

"_WHAT? Oh god. Alright, I'm gonna finish dinner and then I'm coming home."_

"I'm leaving." And with that, he hung up, and looked down at the body one more time, before grabbing her by the arms, and dragging her to his truck, which was conviently parked nearby.

The panicky crab stuffed her into the back while no one looked, and shut the door, leaning against it for a moment to collect his jumbled thoughts.

One, he killed Aradia.

Two, Sollux could not know.

Three, he needed to hide the body.

Four, he was freaking the fuck out.

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**LOL YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS A NORMAL FIC?**

**NOPE.**

**Review!**

**Also, I'll have you know: I'm really sorry for not updating really quickly, or having horribly short chapters.**

**I'm trying ;~;**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys ;3;**

**I'm not really happy with this chapter, but I hope you are XD.**

**MAJOR WRITERS BLOCK SO I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA WRITE NEXT UAHAHHH D;**

**Enjoy.**

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Kakrat was terrified.

He didn't want to go to jail, nor did he want to run away. He just wanted this to go back to normal (or at least it was normal for him :I). He wanted his mediocre, uneventful life back and he wanted it now.

"KK? Have you heard from.." he heard a sniffle. "From AA? It'th been a week.." Sollux whined. Despite Karkat feeling terrible, he put on a feeble scowl, "No," he lied. "Can I have a hug?" Before the crab could respond, Sollux stood from the couch and wrapped his arms around him in a tight bro-hug.

Karkat didn't fight him, for it was his fauly his friend was feeling this way. Albeit his usual irate facade was showing greatly, he clung to his best friend like a barnacle on the bottom of a huge old-fashioned pirate ship (Vriska pun not intended).

"Fuck, I'm sorry.." the crab grumbled. "Thorry for what?" Sollux looked down at him with a pitiful sniffle, eyebrows upturned. "Nothing!" Karkat replied quickly.

He wanted to tell Sollux, to beg for his forgiveness, and to hug him until he could not breathe. But he couldn't, for when he opened his mouth, he remembered his roomies' rage, the way he became infuriated for little to nothing- imagine the way he'd be if he found out his best friend had killed his girlfriend. If his best friend was a murderer. "Karkat?" Sollux sniffled. "Yeah?"

"I love you," yesyesye- "in a bro kind of way.." NO! Friend-zoned.

But wait, how could he even_ think_ of Sollux in that way after what he did during the dinner?! He'd just killed his girlfriend for Pete's sake!

"I.. bro-love you too, Sollux." he mumbled into his shirt. Sollux dragged Karkat back to the couch where they could sit comfortably Where they could have a (rare) cuddle-fest. To Karkat, it was nice: laying and cuddling into his crush's chest, trying to not yell out his wrong-doings.

Okay, maybe that part wasn't as nice.

"Wanna watch a movie?" Sollux clung to Karkat for dear life. "Yeah.." the crab grunted, burrowing his face into the boy's red and blue shirt.

..

The movie ended at about 10:00 PM. They were both tired despite the early-ish time. "You tired?" Karkat asked, his voice unusually soft. "Yeah," Sollux murmured. He could tell Sollux was on the brink of sleep, and pulled up a blanket- no use passing up an opportunity like this.

..

Hours, and hours later into the morning- he woke up. His head hurt, and he was no longer situated on his friends' chest, but he was now on the floor.

He sat up sluggishly, groaning at the sudden pain of his back and rump. He was sitting on something. "The actual fuck?" He stood, looking down: there lay the remote, the back of it popped up and a snigle battery lay beside it. Just as he looked up, he realized the whole appartment was a mess.

The kitchen table had been flipped, cutlery was on the floor, his own computer looked like it'd been bashed up, the whole apartment looked this way. Karkat could only guess that Sollux' bipolar side had gotten him, and he wasn't awake to calm him down. Why, though? _Fuck, fuckfuck._

Karkat examined every nook (LOLOMG) and every cranny of the apartment, and now he was left with the bathroom. "Sollux?" He crooned. He needed to be calm, control your anger. "GO AWAY!" Shit, he was still angry. He cursed himself for letting it get this far. "Sollux, open the door." He cooed, turnign the doorknob only to find it'd been locked.

"NO!" Sollux hollered from the inside. What time was it? Ugh. "Sollux, please." Karkat growled. He was getting impatient. "She'th.. she'th DEAD! Thome athhole killed her! Karkat, I watched the newth, she'th fucking DEAD!"

'Some asshole', that hit Karkat worse than it should have, and he knocked agian. "Let me in! You better not be mutilating yourself!" Sollux had picked up self-harm earlier, when his past girlfriend Feferi had left him for some hipster-asshole named Eria? Eridan? Doesn't matter.

"Please." Karkat whispered into the door. He leaned his head on the wood when Sollux ripped it open, tear stains visible on his cheeks, and blood in the sink. He looked down, to reveal long, jagged lacerations- it was obvious he'd down this with a broken piece of glass. Where? Oh! The mirror. He saw it now, the broken part. "Sollux.." He murmured, taking his hand (the good one) in his own. "Why?" He whispered. "I have nothing to live for, KK." Ouch. "And me?! What the fuck am I supposed to do?!" Karkat bellowed.

God, his headache had gotten worse, and now he felt slightly nauseated.

"I.." Sollux looked away, obviously ashamed. "You know what? Let's just get you cleaned up." Karkat snarled, shoving into the bathroom. He dug through the cabinet, and pulled out a roll of medical bandages and tape.

"Sollux." He looked up at him as he cleaned the wounds from the blood. "Yeth?" "Promise me, you won't freak out if I tell you?" Karkats' breath hitched slightly.

He was going to tell him.

"I won't."

"Are you sure?"

He rolled the bandages around his forearm, and taped the end so that it would stay. He watched as slight droplets of blood pierced the outter layer, and he inhaled.

"Yeth, I'm thure." Sollux looked at him, words genuine.

"Sollux.." Karkat gulped. He looked up at the melancholy boy, and his bottom lip quivered. Maybe he shouldn- NO. He had to do this, he had to tell. "Thpit it out," Sollux growled.

"Sollux, I killed your girlfriend."


End file.
